Cooking Up a Happy Life ... Be Like Bacon

How to Create a Recipe for All Palates

Be like bacon, because everyone likes bacon.

Fitting into a group can be a daunting task, let alone a society that’s complex and sometimes seemingly eccentric. When you consider the day-to-day life you are experiencing in Japan, always remember the importance of flexibility. For you as the “non-Japanese” who wants to adapt to the many social customs, there is a learning curve filled with challenges. At those times the Japanese language and culture may seem rigid at best and downright cut-throat at worst.

But we must remain diligent and caring. And when life loses its flavor, whether it is because you feel a lack of zest. Or perhaps you sense an encroaching hunger within those around you, that no one seems to satisfy on their own. That, my friend, is the time to Be Like Bacon.

Now the recipe is simple and I have already given you a retrospective glimpse of your first months of life here. Or perhaps an insight into the future. Life here is, well, kind of hard.

So, in order to stay positive in our minds and hearts, we ought to proceed with caution. And the main theme of today’s blog and perhaps of the crazy 2020-21 world is this: to see things for what they are, not what you imagine them to be.

Here is a short narrative of the twists and turns of our landscape as foreigners, and the ways to navigate those to be the best (guest) you can be.

—- Be the Guest, Not a Stranger —-

Over centuries of time, the language variants of sonkeigo (尊敬語), kenjougo (謙譲語), and teineigo (丁寧語) were created out of social class and power structures, embedded some of those structures, and have led to often discriminatory and demeaning forms of judgement. That is a part of history that can be found in many parts of the world and save yourself the humiliation of thinking Japan somehow was born clean of its past life.

Yet if you are preparing to embark on a potential trip to or perhaps new life in the Land of the Rising Sun, bring some sunscreen … or buy one of those funky sunscreen hats and blend in with the vader lady “Ba-Chans” that seem to have made their own little mechanical planet and way of seeing things.

But pulling myself away from superfluous anecdotes back to more pragmatic ones … to communicate respectfully, you must bargain away your ego to a good distance. And you must be Japanese (editor’s note: be in this case can be replaced with pretend to be, as many have self-reported a superficialness in these so-called traditional customs of communication). Darn, I did it again.

Let me put it another way. Japanese participate in the ritual of “polite speaking” and “niceties”. And for that reason, so should you.

Before you can be accepted into any group, you learn the ways of “talk the talk” and “walk the walk”. But not in the way you might have learnt in your upbringing. Some come from a very strong ethnic background and others from a background of diversity. Very well then, it should be easy for you to strut your stuff. In fact, do strut. This may be the best way for you to learn that NOBODY HERE CARES WHAT YOU WERE RAISED TO BE.

That is … Until they recognize you for your uniqueness. Until you “prove” your understanding of Japanese – both language and culture. Until you give up those tendencies of strutting and putting around, and act for a greater collective good. Until you give up your rudimentary Fred Flintstone ways for a more George Jetson passivity.

Then, and likely only then, will both you and they come to a harmonious agreement. And then enter the next stage of intercultural bliss.

This one blog post is not going into the hows, whys and ways of that transcendence. It is just one blog. Yet, as I write these words and seemingly brass-awkward sentences, I trust that the procession of images or feelings you are having are being born as they should.

Regardless of my wild analogies or somewhat historical tone with dated expressions, if you are someone who lives in or has grown up in a culturally proud strong country whose people view foreigners as outsiders, then you can probably understand the intended meaning. Or, you might understand more clearly if you have lived in such a country as an outsider. The meaning is (1) to live in judgment without judging and (2) to develop a set of morals that do not require you to sacrifice your true self for pleasing others.

Still yet, if you are an person who has not had such an experience to give you the proper sense of empathy that you need to endure here, but you are strong in your ways and confidence. If you lack the knowledge I speak of, but you are an upstanding conscientious individual who knows the difference between right and wrong. If you feel that you live a just life and bring nothing but the best intentions as a model human being … well “ya-ba-daba-doo”.

The point here is this. You are a guest to the land, and deep down there is part of you that wants to be treated as one ... and you will be, at least at first. But in order to truly understand the Japanese mindset and ways of interpreting, you will have to knock down the façade that you see and experience on a daily basis.

No matter how much you may have studied or want to study about Japanese society, culture or history, there is no match for lived experience.

Just as there is no replacement for genuine truth. You cannot skim over the top and say you have honestly gone through a life development. And the struggle you may be having is one that is going to make you shine like the bright diamond you are underneath.

And look at the bright side, too.

The good points exist and can be seen abundantly from youthful, innocent eyes.

It is blissful to live in world where people follow manners and rules of thumb. Going into a store to be treated with a sort of reverence for being a customer, and perhaps even for being a foreigner. Being put in a semi spotlight at your job or school and asked questions that you have never been asked before. Seeing how order keeps a clean and peaceful environment. All wonderful things.

But until you can truly know your experience at a Matrix-type Neo level (Google the movie “The Matrix”, then rent and watch it … you’re welcome). That is to say, until you become able to identify what cultural norms are versus the individual semantics played out before your eyes. Then you cannot reasonably evaluate your own self-worth in this society nor properly evaluate the judgment placed on you.

So, my advice for you to survive with happiness and grow with dignity is twofold.

First, forget most of my analogies here, or at least write them off as an old man off his rocker. Because I want you to keep your youthful innocence as it is one of our most powerful tools kept alongside grace and love.

Second, read all of this again after a few strolls around the block, after months and months of life here, when you are beyond the initial honeymoon phase and entered into the “Really…?” phase. (Don’t worry. You will know when you have actually arrived.)

And then, and only then, pull out the almighty sword of knowledge that lifts you up in history as a mighty gaijin mental samurai warrior of peace and altruism … or maybe simply just help you get by long enough to feel fully well here … and proclaim to yourself these self-empowering words of wisdom from “2021 Jon’s Dictionary of Japanese Life”.

(1)  “Be the Guest, Not a Stranger” – a way to avoid prolonged embarrassment for what you do not know and what no one is going to ever straight up teach or tell you.

(2)  “Be Like Bacon, Because Everyone Likes Bacon” – if everyone likes you, then it is hard to offend them with your lack of knowledge or non-Japanese personality. Just don’t be too crispy or too raw.